TWO WEEKS OF SCHOOL LEFT FOR EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Schoolies is gunna be rocken!!! PARTY AT YOUR PLACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol sometimes you get so hiper you don't know what your doing lol funny hehehehehe

It totally sucks having to stand by and help him with his mirserable little love life! it not htem he should be loving. And they do even love him back can't he see that? Maybe she does love him? and is just saving us all from the pain it would cause us?? Would she do this would she deny her feelings just to keep peace within the group. I realize that many people wooould be affected if she was to act upon her feelings if she has them. some may even end up in hospital beds? (weather they be in emergency department or the psych ward where they have put me before) either way i just hope that they all think about how it will affect others before making their final decision i just hope he chooses me in the end.

I just wanna die

Pieces of You
She's an ugly girl, does it make you want to kill her?
She's an ugly girl, do you want to kick in her face?
She's an ugly girl, she doesn't pose a threat.
She's an ugly girl, does that make you feel safe?
Ugly girl, ugly girl, do you hate her
Cause she's pieces of you?

She's a pretty girl, does she make you think nasty thoughts?
She's a pretty girl, do you want to tie her down?
She's a pretty girl, do you call her a bitch?
She's a pretty girl, did she sleep with your whole town?
Pretty girl, pretty girl, do you hate her
Cause she's pieces of you?

You say he's a faggot, does it make you want to hurt him?
You say he's a faggot, do you want to bash in his brain?
You say he's a faggot, does he make you sick to your stomach?
You say he's a faggot, are you afraid you're just the same?
Faggot, Faggot, do you hate him
Cause he's pieces of you?

You say he's a Jew, does it mean that he's tight?
You say he's a Jew, do you want to hurt his kids tonight?
You say he's a Jew, he'll never wear that funny hat again.
You say he's a Jew as though being born were a sin.
Oh Jew, oh Jew, do you hate him
Cause he's pieces of you?

I ask you to hold me,but you don't wanna hold me-It don't work like
that
I want you to love me-I'm losing patience now
Oh leave me alone(Oh leave me alone)
Stop asking for more
I'm goin' home on my own
Oh leave me alone(Oh leave me alone)
I'm walkin' out of the door
I'll make it on my own
Leave me alone
Leave me alone
Leave me alone
Just leave me alone
You like me to stroke you
Careful I don't choke you,did you read my mind?
You say don't be blue
Is that the best you can do?
I've lost my patience now

Dear Gertrude,

i do apologies for not repling to your E-mail i have so many fams i cannot reply to them all.However you e-mail stated that if you got and e-mail from me you would be the envy of all your friends. So .being the fantastic bitch that i am i have gone one better and posted a personal e-mail to you on my site. I hope this make all your friends be really really jealous because your deserve to be better than them cause you reckon i rule ( which i do by the way)

Anyway i hope this finds you well and if you want you tell your friends that i have invited you to comeparty with me in my amazing penthouse during the X-mas Holidays and they r NOT invited cause they never emailed me first !!!


lot of rockin love MADS!!!!!

It's ironic how I can hate myself so much, but have high self esteem

Swinging into a life, letting go—
Only seeing crying in my mind’s eye,
justifying pain with self-denial.
Late nights, passion, mystery,
gone for you?
Tell me, who is me—no, should be?
Before I am who I am enduringly.

Don't Ask For More - Abby Dobson

What do you say
When words are not enough
Too few won't sum it up
Too many's just too much

I've read all the signs
But still don't know the way
I could try and lead you there
But I'd just lead you astray

Ask me no questions
And I'll tell you no lies
If you wanna be with me
'Cause the truth would set you free
Don't look too closely
Or you'll see my disguise
I saw the love between us die
But I'm not ready for goodbye

Don't ask for more
'Cause what you're searching for
You won't find at my door
Don't ask for more
My heart already knows
But my head won't let you go

Please try and understand
This is all I am
I keep holding on
But half of me is gone
The pieces of my heart
Are lying on the floor
It's been broken up before
It can't be broken anymore

Ask me no questions
And I'll tell you no lies
If you wanna be with me
'Cause the truth would set you free
Don't look too closely
Or you'll see my disguise
I don't want to live a lie
But I can not say another goodbye

Don't ask for more
'Cause what you're searching for
You won't find at my door

Don't ask for more
My heart already knows
But my head won't let you go
(oooh...) Another goodbye...
(oooh...) Another goodbye


Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies
If you wanna be with me
'cause the truth would set you free
Don't look too closely
Or you'll see my disguise
I don't wanna live a lie
But I can not say another goodbye


Don't ask for more
'cause what you're searching for
You won't find at my door
Don't ask for more
My heart already knows
But my head won't let you go


Don't ask for more
'Cause what you are searching for
you won't find at my door
Don't ask for more
My heart already knows
But my head won't let you go

(Oooh...) Another goodbye
(oooh...) Another goodbye
(oooh...) Another goodbye

when you find out that he loves your most trusted friend r u supposed to be suprised?? i mean if you already knew do you still hold the right to be upset or angry? i mean in a way isn't it being dishonest? him keeping something like that from you how would you react? would you just say well thats ok cause i don't really like you like that anyway and then go a beat on the next person you see to releve anger or do you tell them exactly what you think ( being that they should all burn eternally in hell) for now anyway. i mean how can you say "oh and by the way i'm in love with the person you trust most in the world and they already knew and didn't tell you", and expect a nice calm "well ok i understand." i mean hello what planet r u living on wankersvillie or something ???? i mean GET A FUCKEN LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Does the happiness that love brings really outweight the sorrow and pain it causes as love departs???? Maybe the problem is that love never really departs,It's constantly there reminding you of your past loves and recently failed relationships. Does no one see that we are all better off in totally plationic relationships? No strings attached?, No commitiment?, No worries. Bout our society and human instinct would never allow such a simple soulotion. With platoinic relationships comes jealousy, rage, miscommunication and guilt. We as humans do not plan these factors they are but simply a technical glicht in our make-up. Some dickhead up there(not to mention names) decide it would be funny to see what would happen if humans had emotions, purely for entertainment purposes i'm sure. But it overpowered him and we become who we are today.

A society run by Fat and Ugly farm animals possessed by love a love of greed for money power and prestige.

Why do i cry alone at night
Why do we always have to fight
Why don't you care for me
The way i care for you

Why do i wait for the phone to ring
Why do i care about anything
Why don't i just give up
When i know there's nothing there

Why do i care for the pain you give
Why do i wish i could cease to live
Why don't you give a damn
That you the reason i want to die

Why did it go down this way
Why'd i give you the time of day
Why did i care for you like i did
When all you did was kill me.
A.Tiller 26/09/2002

Nothing's right I'm torn I'm all out of faith This is how I feel I'm cold and I am shamed Lying naked on the floor Illusion never changed Into something real I'm wide awake and I can see The perfect sky is torn I'm all out of faith This is how I feel I'm cold and I'm ashamed Bound and broken on the floor You're a little late I'm already torn

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


ANGELS WOULD FALL
The rope that's wrapped around me
is cutting my skin
And the doubts that have surrounded me
Are finding their way in
I keep it close to me
Like a holy man prays
In my desperate hour
It's better that way

So I'll come by and see you again
I'll be such a very good friend
Have mercy on my soul
I will never let you know
Where my mind has been
Angels never came down
There's no one here they want
to hang around
But if they knew
If they knew you at all
Then one by one the angels
Angels would fall

I've crept into your temple
I have slept upon your pew
I've dreamed of the divinity
Inside and out of you
I want it more than truth
I can taste it on my breath
I would give my life just for a little death

So I'll come by and see you again
I'll be just a very good friend
I will not look upon your face
I will not touch upon your grace
Your ecclesiastic skin

I'll come by and see you again
I'll have to be a very good friend
If I whisper they will know
I'll just turn around and go
You will never know my sin

"On My Own"

On my own
Pretending he’s beside me
All alone
I walk with him till morning
Without him
I feel his arms around me
And when I loose my way
I close my eyes and he has found me

In the rain
The pavement shines like silver
All the lights
Are misty in the river
In the darkness
The trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me
Forever and forever

And I know
It’s only in my mind
That I’m talking to myself
And not to him
And although
I know that he is blind
Still I said
There’s a way for us

I love him
But when the night is over
He’s gone
The river’s just a river

Without him
The world around me changes
The trees are bare
And everywhere
The streets are full of strangers

I love him
But every day I’m learning
All my life
I’ve only then pretending

Without me
His world will go on turning
The world is full of happiness
That I have never known

I love him
I love him
I love him
But only on my own

Dear FAN

i apoligise for my recent lack of entries. my computer is fucked in the head and won't work properly and pay for internet use is fucken stupid!!!!!!!

Anyway the first week back at school is pathetic howver i do believe i have only 3 lots or 2 weeks till it's all over so for the next 6 weeks i will subconuiously tell my self i have only 2 weeks left then it will go faster and 6 weeks will semms like 2 . Good logic hey!!!! as you can tell i'm not really in the mood for righting now so i'm going to go .


PEACE OUT

i'm going to the movie marathon this friday who's coming with me????

I never really understood when the people in the movies said " i can't live without them"
i just thought is was a stupid line. I believed that such an emotion was fiction,
non-existant in the true-world. Unfortuneatly i found out the hard way the i was wrong.

To need someone next to you is so intense, to have a feeling so strong it's like a craving
that can't be filled. It get hard to breathe as he strolls through my mind, reminding me of
his abscence. Not knowing when we will talk next and agruing with myself wehater to call him or not.

Wondering if he'll forgive me or if he's already forgotten about what's happened.
Pondering if he is thinking about me or if he is out there having fun with his friends?
The energy going into these thoughts are so draining i just feel like a lifeless sack

Not needed Not wanted Non-living sack.

You don't care if you hurt me,
you don't care about the pain.
you don't give a shit about anyone else,
and then you do it all again.

You say you don't care and,
you really don't give a fuck.
You better watch your back,
cause your running out of luck.

Go away and leave me,
just like you alway do.
don't worry about who you'll hurt
cause it's only hurting you.
A.Tiller 23/09/2002 (C)